Friday, March 9, 2007

Was Homeland Security behind attack on 9/11 investigative journalist Christopher Bollyn?

I want to thank Christopher Bollyn for coming on the show to talk about his numerous investigative articles and interviews surrounding the 'Offical Story' of 9/11 and the many now obvious holes and deceit within that main story. I also want to take a moment to show you a bit of Christopher's story on some of the harassment he has received recently probably due in fact to his reporting on seeking the truth concerning 9/11 and what really happened.

You can view his articles & hear audio of his many interviews at:

His personal website:

Now in most of his own words concerning that fateful day in August of 2006, read what happened to Christopher;

The "undercover tactical unit" involved in the assault and TASERing of a 9/11 investigative journalist at his Chicago-area home was most likely an operation ordered by the Department of Homeland Security, according to a former high-ranking police official.

In the opinion of the former police chief, the operation appears to have been ordered by the Department of Homeland Security (DHS), under the leadership of the Israeli-American dual national Michael Chertoff. Chertoff, who has been the subject of several of my articles about 9/11 and the failure of his department to respond to Hurricane Katrina, is the son of Livia Eisen, one of the first agents of Israel's military intelligence agency, the Mossad.

The purpose of the heavily-armed "gang suppression" squad in a neighborhood in which there has never been any gang activity was meant to "intimidate, scare, and harass" me, according to the former police chief. The "gang" that was being monitored was, in fact, me, he said, but the tactical unit and the local police chief were probably not aware of the political nature of the target. The tactical unit had probably only been told that I was a "very dangerous person."

"More than 87,000 different governmental jurisdictions at the federal, state, and local level have homeland security responsibilities," according to the DHS "organization" webpage dedicated to "Department Subcomponents and Agencies."

The police have offered two explanations about why the "gang suppression" unit was sent, both of which seem illogical. The first is that this was the nearest unit, although the 911 call was not an emergency call, but rather a request for an explanation more than 30 minutes after I had observed the heavily-armed unit near my house. However, after the arrival of the tactical unit, a half-dozen squad cars and two emergency vehicles immediately appeared on the scene to support the action.

The uniformed police, however, clearly had orders not to intervene and stayed back until after the assault and arrest had been completed. This raises the question, what were the orders given to the tactical unit and to the uniformed police?

Chief Herdegen of the HEPD subsequently told AFP that the tactical unit had returned to my house to identify themselves and explain their purpose. However, despite repeated requests, the three men refused to do either. Why would the HEPD send a unit who could not, or would not, identify themselves? The refusal by the armed agents to identify themselves as legitimate police officers prevented them from resolving the 911 call, and allowed them to exacerbate the situation leading to the violent assault.

We need to ask ourselves why is information being suppressed and why are highly qualified, educated and investigative individuals brave enough to speak out against the obvious lies in the 'Offical Story'....being threatened with loss of job, paid off in some cases, or even worse taserd in their front yard outside of the home they own in a suburban neighborhood in America in broad daylight?

What if 9/11 was the biggest 'Hoax in our history?

As part of my effort here at Liquid Radio Live to explore and amplify a slightly political and more common sense perspective outside the corporate media's narrow minded views and presence.....I spoke with Dr. David Ray Griffin in a pre-recorded unedited phone conversation. We spoke about his books The New Pearl Harbor-Disturbing Questions About the Bush Administration and 9/11, 9/11 Commission Report-Omissions and Distortions and his newest book Debunking 9/11 Debunking. He joined the truth seeking movement after avoiding the confusing and almost seemingly misleading facts surrounding the 'Offical Report' for a year and a half, in the same way many of us just didn't want to think about the very fact our own government might be involved. But as of late with new reports and findings coming out every day...more and more experts and actual people involved on scene and with rescue that day are coming out of the woodwork and speaking out loudly about what they know.

I will do more interviews in the future because I can no longer continue to sleepwalk around this horrific crime against humanity. If individuals within our government are responsible....I want to know! As should everybody. TIME OF DENIAL....FOR ME IS AT AN END! And it should be for you as well. I urge you to take a deeper look at the facts and mounting evidence surrounding 9/11. You can start by checking out some of David Ray Griffin's books in the column to the right where I have provided you with direct links. Also take a look at these websites:

Dr. David Ray Griffin, the many scholars, physicists, engineers, pilots, patriots, family members of those who lost lives, firefighters, average joes seeking truth, demolition experts, and the many people of other countries who are all questioning the events of 9/11 and asking for a real investigation to be done are not 'NUTS', 'NUT CASES' or 'CRAZIES'. They are 'TRUTH SEEKERS' looking for answers and the truth to this heinous crime against humanity.

9/11 Conspiracy or BS? Did the Towers come down in 'Controlled Demolition'? Too many questions..and the answers just don't add up!

Eric Hufschmid is just 'one' of many disputing the facts we have been fed surrounding 9/11. His book 'Painful Questions' raises a lot of good points as does his film 'Painful Deceptions'.

To check it all out go to:

Timeline: 9/11

Key events in the growing number of conspiracy theories surrounding the 9/11 attacks.

MARCH 1962
Operation Northwoods: A proposal is drafted by military planners, exploring options for generating support for US action against Cuba.

These ideas included simulated terrorist actions by the American government. Another suggestion was the shooting down of an unmanned drone masquerading as a civilian airliner.

The plans were sent to the US defense secretary for approval, but were never implemented.

More than 40 years on, the two concepts - that of false-flag terrorist operations against civilians, and of using a drone aircraft to simulate a civilian plane - have led to conspiracy theories claiming that the US government was capable of using the same tactics on 9/11.


The first two 9/11 hijackers arrive in the United States via Los Angeles international airport.

Nawaf al-Hazmi and Khalid al-Mihdhar were already suspected of involvement in al-Qaeda terrorist activities by the CIA, which had been monitoring their movement abroad.

But the CIA does not inform the FBI, so the two terrorists do not appear on the terrorist Watchlist - and as they have valid visas are allowed in the country.

Al-Hazmi and al-Mihdhar settle in San Diego where they live openly, using their real names in official documents. One is listed in the local phone book.

They start lessons at a local flying school, but are soon rejected because of their poor English.

In August 2001, the CIA finally warns the FBI that al-Hazmi and al-Mihdhar may be in the United States, but by then the two terrorists have long gone from San Diego and cannot be traced.

9/11 sceptics have expressed doubts about the official account of how the two Al Qaeda operatives were able to live undetected for so long.


An American think tank, the Project for the New American Century, publishes a report called Rebuilding America's Defenses: Strategy, Forces and Resources For a New Century.

The report advocates the transformation of the US military, making it better able to support their aspiration for an active, internationalist US foreign policy.

But, the authors acknowledge: "the process of transformation, even if it brings revolutionary change, is likely to be a long one, absent some catastrophic and catalyzing event - like a new Pearl Harbour".

This line has attracted the attention of critics, who argue that 9/11 may have been an attempt to produce the "Pearl Harbour" effect.

However, PNAC report does not advocate a catastrophic act, it merely predicts the possible consequences of one.

Among the reports signatories, Paul Wolfowitz who later became number two at the Pentagon, and Lewis "Scooter" Libby, who went on to become chief of staff to Vice President Cheney.

11 SEPTEMBER, 2001

According to the official account, four commercial aircraft were hijacked. Three were deliberately flown into buildings, and the fourth crashed in a field in Pennsylvania. 2,996 people were killed.

0846 : American Airlines Flight 11 crashes into the North Tower of the World Trade Centre.

0903 : The second plane, United Airlines Flight 175, crashes into the South Tower at the World Trade Centre.

0937 : In Washington DC, American Airlines flight 77 crashes into the Pentagon. Conspiracy theories suggest the crash is suspicious because there is no publicly available CCTV footage clearly showing an aircraft hitting the building and because the damage caused to the fa├žade appears too small to have been caused by a large commercial jetliner.

0945 approx : Delta Airlines flight 89 is diverted to Cleveland airport because of initial suspicions that it may have been hijacked. The local mayor gives a press conference in which he says:, "The initial reports was that this plane was hijacked and that there was a bomb on it". It is quickly established that Delta flight 89 has not been hijacked and corrections are broadcast by the local media, but the first inaccurate reports continue to be the focus of conspiracy theories.

1002 : United Airlines flight 93 crashes in open ground near Shanksville, Pennsylvania. Conspiracy theories argue that the plane never crashed here, because there are no large pieces of visible wreckage at the scene. It is also alleged that the plane was shot down, and broke up in mid-air, spreading debris over a wide area.

1720 : World Trade Centre Building 7, a 47 storey building close to the two main towers collapses. It was not hit by either of the two hijacked aircraft. 9/11 conspiracy theories suggest that it was destroyed deliberately, because it held sensitive or compromising documents in the offices of the CIA, Department of Defense and Secret Service, which were housed in the building.

12 SEPTEMBER, 2001

Immediately after 9/11 a conspiracy theory developed that Israelis and or Jewish citizens had been warned to stay away from the area by someone with foreknowledge of the attacks.

The story, which was untrue, originated in Beirut, quickly spread across the Middle East and was picked up by anti-Semitic websites around the world.

10 NOVEMBER, 2001

President Bush confronted the growing proliferation of 9/11 conspiracy theories. Speaking to the United Nations in New York, he said: "We must speak the truth about terror. Let us never tolerate outrageous conspiracy theories concerning the attacks of September the 11th; malicious lies that attempt to shift the blame away from the terrorists, themselves, away from the guilty".


French journalist Thierry Meyssan publishes 9/11: The Big Lie and Pentagate - his accounts of 9/11 which suggests that American Airlines Flight 77 did not crash into the Pentagon.

MAY 2002

The Federal Emergencies Management Agency (FEMA) releases its report into the causes of the collapse of buildings in New York on 9/11. Chapter Five describes the collapse of World Trade Centre Building 7, which FEMA suggests was caused by prolonged fires weakening the strength of the trusses which supported the building.


Publication of report by the joint Congressional inquiry into intelligence failings leading up to the 9/11 attacks.

Over 30 pages in the published version have been redacted by the government, because of national security concerns.

It later emerges that most of the redacted pages relate to the activities of the first two hijackers in San Diego and to their possible connections with Saudi Arabian nationals living there.

The inquiry's co-chairman, Senator Bob Graham, feels that the FBI, in particular, withheld evidence about the activities of the two hijackers who lived in San Diego.

22 JULY, 2004

The publication of the 9/11 Commission Report provides the public with the most comprehensive account of what happened on that day, but its findings fail to stem the flow of conspiracy theories.

MARCH 2005

The American Magazine, Popular Mechanics publishes a major investigation called Debunking the 9/11 myths. The article is later extended into a book.

APRIL 2005

Loose Change, a film produced by first-time director Dylan Avery is released. The film is distributed primarily via the internet and rapidly becomes a worldwide phenomenon, watched tens of millions of times.

Loose Change takes issue with many aspects of the official account of 9/11, including the collapse of the Twin Towers and WTC 7, the crash of American Airlines 77 into the Pentagon and United Airlines flight 93 at Shanksville, Pennsylvania.

It is the most popular of a growing number of internet films challenging the official account of events on 9/11.

Other examples of the genre include The 9/11 Mysteries and Alex Jones' Terrorstorm.


James Fetzer, a retired professor of philosophy founds the organisation Scholars for 9/11 Truth - a movement dedicated to "exposing falsehoods and revealing truths" about 9/11.

16 MAY, 2006

CCTV footage of the Pentagon is released to Judicial Watch, a Washington based foundation advocating accountability and transparency in government.

The footage, from two security cameras, shows a blurred object approaching the building immediately followed by a massive explosion. But the quality of the video is poor and the evidence is inconclusive.

Judicial Watch subsequently obtains the release of further security camera footage from the FBI. But these images, from a nearby petrol station and hotel, are not sufficiently detailed to satisfy sceptics.

31 JULY,2006

Evidence from the case of Zacarias Moussaoui is published on the internet.

In 2005, Moussaoui pleaded guilty to conspiring with the 19 al-Qaeda hijackers. Much of the evidence relates to the events of that day, including photographs of the crash sites and documents belonging to the hijackers.

25 October, 2006

The State Department publishes a website on The Top September 11th Conspiracy Theories, as part of its Identifying Misinformation website.

12 SEPTEMBER, 2006

Pentagon Inspector General declassifies a report assessing the performance of the US military on 9/11.

The Inspector found that members of the military had misinformed the 9/11 Commission about events on the morning of the attacks, but that this had been down to poor record keeping and bureaucratic muddle.

There was no evidence, wrote the inspectors, that the military had sought to deliberately mislead the members of the 9/11 Commission about the events that day.


FEMA is expected to publish the final report of its investigation of the collapse of World Trade Centre Building 7.

Accusations that the American Government was complicit in the 9/11 attacks are becoming increasingly bitter and widespread. In the past, you needed the backing of a Hollywood studio or a major broadcaster to reach a global audience. Now, all you need is a bargain basement computer and a little technical know-how. Conspiracy theorists are tapping in to a rich vein of cynicism across America. Within 9/11 there are too many secrets and that withholding of those secrets has eroded public confidence in our government as it relates to our own security.
What are we really truly to think about all this? Will we ever know the real truth?

Tune in for 'One Winter Story' a documentary about the male dominated world of big wave surfing from a woman's perspective.

I want to thank Elizabeth Pepin of Frank Films (a woman owned production company pushing the boundaries of documentary film) for being on the show with us and talking about their amazing film due to be aired on PBS in Sept. of this year. This was an exciting show for me to do because I am a fan of and am inspired by any female athlete who can face hardship and come out on top. Give this one a listen won't regret it! I even play some great surf tunes as well.

One Winter Story:
Official Selection: 2006 Mill Valley Film Festival; 2006 Hawaii International Film Festival; 2007 San Francisco Ocean Film Festival; 2007 X-Dance Film Festival where the film was nominated for Best Biography; Best Cinematography; Best Original Soundtrack

A short review from the Mill Valley Film Festival where “One Winter Story” screened to sold out audiences and rave reviews!

Sarah Gerhardt became a star in the surfing universe in 1999 as the first woman to slice across a monster wave at Northern California's legendary Maverick's. Media coverage, sponsorship and adulation followed, but Sarah's dramatic journey from poverty and despair to accomplishment and peace went unnoticed. Producers/Directors Sally Lundburg and Elizabeth Pepin's “One Winter Story” traces Sarah's strength and determination to their roots in a beautiful montage of film, voice, memory and emotion. The surfing footage is an awesome sight but the fine, intensely immediate rendering of Sarah's experience is this unforgettable film's real reward.

“One Winter Story” is an unprecedented glimpse into the male-dominated world of big-wave surfing from an unusual and seldom seen perspective - a woman’s. This hour-long 16mm and super 8 film explores the nature of fear and faith through the experience big-wave surf pioneer, Sarah Gerhardt. “One Winter Story” is a personal documentary that follows Sarah through several winter seasons as she surfs Maverick’s, a monstrous wave that breaks in the freezing, shark-infested waters off Half Moon Bay in Northern California.

Sarah’s journey to Maverick’s was anything but easy. Surfing became her escape from the hardships of home and faith became the guiding force in her life. “Growing up was a dark time and it was the only light that I had, basically, besides my Mom. It's definitely been the backbone of my life, this faith. I wouldn't be a centered person if I didn't have this concrete foundation to land my feet on.” Sarah is a genuine big-wave pioneer, the first woman to surf what is one of the largest waves in the world. In the eight years that she has been surfing Maverick’s, Sarah has found that each time is a unique experience, determined by the wave itself and her own response. Through it all, we share Sarah’s fear and frustration, and come to understand how her family and her faith help her take on the obstacles in her life and find peace within herself.

Be sure to check out:

Frank Films has offices in San Francisco and Hawaii and is a production company that is dedicated to bridging experimental film techniques with documentary sensibilities. By blending impressions, memory, and history into dream-like narratives, Frank Films aims to skirt the boundaries of documentary film, creating subjective essays that are based in evidence.

Liquid Radio Live with writer/director Deborah Rowe and Kristy Van Meter who played a role in the film 'Portraits of a Naked Lady Dancer'.

Thank you to writer/director Deborah Rowe and actress/co-producer/director/videographer Kristy Van Meter for this film and for interviewing with Liquid Radio Live on This is a must see film!! Be prepared to view fully-nude moving portraits of lovely and engaging women in "Portraits of a Naked Lady Dancer" winner of the Grand Jury Prize as part of The New York International Independent Film and Video Festival in Las Vegas. Visually stunning and uplifting, this documentary features the private lives, thoughts, and opinions of Washington, DC's most notorious exotic dancers.

"Portraits" is a documentary produced, directed, and edited by Deborah Rowe with Kristy Van Meter, a featured dancer. The movie unfolds quickly as each dancer, one by one, draws you into her world. However, one can't help but be both humored and shaken by the very humanness of these beauties. Blending into society and family outside of dancing presents an existential challenge. As the dancers struggle between pride and shame, the power they feel on stage is juxtaposed against the powerlessness they encounter within themselves to overcome their own demons, and the truisms that belie a lifestyle that both celebrates and condemns the female stripper.

Be sure to check out these links:

To purchase film use link to the right in the column.

You can contact Deborah Rowe at:

or Kristy Van Meter at:

Rowe had just returned from Mexico to research and film another documentary about the Women of the Isthmus, the only known community enclave that nurtures and supports a matriarchal society in which women lead as head of the family, business, and politics, and men serve to support these roles. "One travels through town, and eats at restaurants, which display countless artistic images expressing reverence and awe to the beauty and power of women's spiritual, sexual, and reproductive powers. Women and men partner together in all aspects of community life with women taking a leading role in constructing the moral fabric of the community and keeping the peace. Crime is almost unheard of and unlike most of Mexico's machismo society, gay men and women are far more accepted into the community and celebrated as an integral part of society."

"In 'Portraits', I wanted to show how that same type of feminine power and energy is expressed in a more primitive, albeit controlled environment. The dark club atmosphere punctuated by the bright lights and the nude entertainment create a pheromone inferno, where men go to pay homage to female beauty while having the chance to be in the midst of it, its smells, and to enjoy the hypnotic effect ideal beauty and sexuality have on the senses."

Rowe and Van Meter met in 1997 while stripping to raise money to make "Zealots From Hell", a mockumentary about the notorious Promise Keepers who rallied in the Nation's Capital in 1997. "We wanted to reveal their sexist attitudes toward women and reveal how zealotry for or against anything can make a person look pretty ridiculous. We even turned the cameras on ourselves as filmmakers, and by the end appeared just as reprehensible as the Promise Keepers themselves." The movie won an honorable mention at DC's Rosebud Film Festival.

While moonlighting as a stripper, Rowe became intrigued by the sub-cultural world of strippers in Washington, DC's finest strip clubs. "Kris and I worked together as strippers. I thought she was really smart and we began to collaborate. I asked her to be one of the featured dancers in the documentary. After balking a couple of times, she finally agreed, but soon wanted to also be integrally involved in the whole post-production process. She had some great ideas and that was how Queen Bee DV Productions, LLC was born.

Rowe struggled to complete the documentary when her own family disowned her for challenging the family's traditional conservative Republican views. "They were outraged when they discovered I was both stripping and making a movie about strippers. We didn't speak for years," Rowe confides. "It tore my heart out. I was devastated. However, I couldn't shake the burning need to complete the movie. I suffered panic attacks for two years, and then one day I just let go. From that point on the movie just created itself."

Five years later, Rowe and Van Meter catch up with the movie's heroines to discover a new edge and a different kind of woman and to finally complete "Portraits of a Naked Lady Dancer".

Come see "Portraits of a Naked Lady Dancer". Raw, fresh and intelligent, the producers of this docu-art get at a little something more when uncovering these ladies. Enter the world and the minds of Jessica, Zoe, April and Ginger and let the layers unfold to reveal a deeper understanding of the realities of being a dancer in light of the current more negative stereotypes.

Liquid Radio Live with writer/director Katherine Brooks about her controversial film 'Waking Madison'!

Well, the second show of Liquid Radio Live on BlogTalk has come and gone. Thank you Katherine Brooks for making this film 'Waking Madison' on such a taboo subject of 'suicide' and for coming on the show to discuss it so openly. Thank you to the fans and listeners who called in last night with their well wishes, comments and questions.

“Katherine Brooks is a young director who has an organic visual style that allows her work to be quietly powerful and boldly energetic.” - LA Weekly

Katherine has an extensive list of film and television credits. She has directed three seasons of the Emmy-Award winning show, The Osbournes, the highly acclaimed show Newlyweds, starring Jessica Simpson, and MTV’s groundbreaking The Real World. Katherine also directed and produced The Simple Life with Paris Hilton and the controversial pilot for FOX, Coming Out. She recently helmed He’s A Lady for TBS, Town Haul for TLC, MTV’s There and Back and the new season of Meet the Barkers with Blink182 drummer Travis Barker.

Now focusing on her film work, Brooks has garnered dozens of awards including The Emerging Filmmaker Award at the Italian Film Festival and the Grand Jury Prize at the Chicago Film Festival. Her films have played at over 100 festivals around the world and she gained critical praise for her short films, Finding Kate and Dear Emily. Dear Emily can be seen on the compilation DVD entitled Watching You.

The recent debut of her first feature film, Loving Annabelle, is a story about a Catholic schoolteacher who falls in love with her student. Written and directed by Brooks, the movie made its premier at the prestigious Cinequest Film Festival in 2006. The movie stars Erin Kelly, Diane Gaidry and Academy Award Nominee/Golden Globe recipient, Kevin McCarthy.

Currently, in pre-production her film Waking Madison, a story that takes place in her home town of New Orleans and Los Angeles.
At the heart of 'Waking Madison' is a woman's journey from the dark into the light and a twist at the end that will leave you questioning your own sanity.

Be sure to check out:

This radio show is in dedication and memory of Becky Sue from Choctaw, Oklahoma. Becky Sue commited suicide on January 25th, 1990 aboard the USS Hunley AS-31. A sub tender docked at Norfolk Naval Base in Virginia. She was 21 yrs. old. Becky Sue hung herself with no apparent hesitation. She was my best friend. She left behind her mother, 2 sisters, a brother, 2 nieces, 2 nephews, her grandparents, and a whole lot of friends. Her funeral service was like that of a celebrity. The church, which was a large church was packed with people. So many, that many of them were standing in the back as well as out in the reception area. With so many people who seemed to care about and love would wonder why she seemed to feel so alone at times?! I'll never forget the sight of her casket being lowered into that seemly cold and dark grave. Her headstone has 'Mickey Mouse' on it. Becky loved 'Mickey', so much she had a tattoo of 'Fantasia Micky' over her right breast. She won a tattoo contest in the Navy down in Port Canaveral and beat out lots of individuals with tons of tattoos. Her cheering section cheered the loudest and was the smallest group of people of all the cheering sections. But, we had spunk and by goodness our friend was gonna win!! Her prize was $500, and I don't ever think I saw her ever smile as much as she did that day.

When I first met Becky I had already been on board for about a year. I was what they considered a little seasoned as a sailor. I had been 'Haze Grey and Under Way' a few times. And had my sea legs about me. Becky came on board all wide eyed and green. She said, "Hi there! I'm Becky Sue." in her Okie accent. I could not help but chuckle. I was designated to show her around and make sure she got comfortable with the way things were to be on board ship. Some newbies took it a little hard and others seemed to accept it a little better. Becky was excited, said this was really the first time she had been anywhere new. I could tell there was something about her that said she was on the run. I found out much later exactly what she was running from. Up until this point I had never met anyone like Becky Sue. She seemed fearless and with her I felt fearless!

I came from a military family, we were never in one place long enough for me to even scratch the surface in getting to know people. Oh yes, I had such wonderful cultural experiences. But, having to constantly start over in school and with forming friendships was a bit challenging to say the least. Out of a family of five children we were each others best friends. I was closest to my younger sister. When I went away to join the Navy, she was hit hardest as was I. Becky seemed to slip right in and fill that void somewhat.

She worked the grave yard shift and I worked day shift. On any days off we were always together. Just like 2 peas in a pod!! Because of our odd hours, to still be able to communicate with one another....I came up with the match book logs!! What gave me the idea was, Becky was a smoker and was always misplacing her lighter or book of matches. So, The first match book log.....was so she had a book of matches and it had a little note in it for her. A message! I would put it under her pillow so when she woke up she would have the matches for her first cigarette with out having to look for any as well as a note filling her in on stuff or telling a funny story, etc. She would leave me a note on regular paper wrapped up in an odd shape......hence began the match book logs! I never heard her complain about matches again. On days off we would sometimes head to the beach, we would drink wine in plastic cups and watch the hunky guys play volleyball while we got a buzz from the wine. We talked about life, death, love..... Becky once told me 'if I could just be me 100% of the time I would be the perfect everything'. She also told me she loved me, in my life she is the only one I have ever really believed.

When Becky would talk about death, and share some of the reasons she wanted to die. Even though I had attempted suicide in my youth and had wanted to die many times. I shyed away from the subject. I didn't know what to say to her. All I could say was I'm here for you, anything you need I'll do. To this very day, I carry a ball of guilt that sits in my gut and somedays weighs heavier than other days. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of her at least once.

When I returned to the ship after her funeral. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion. It just didn't seem real, like maybe all of it was just a really bad dream. Sometimes, I even thought I saw her in a crowd or on board. I went to all the places we had hung out and I would just sit, going over in my head every conversation.....and I'd drink.....and eventually pass out!! Of course, the Navy held an investigation that lasted a little over a year. So, I got to relive every moment over and over and over!! They had found Becky's diary and in it she had expressed that she thought I might be 'gay'. Hell, she knew way before I ever knew. I found out several years later she was right. But, at the time I had no thoughts in any direction sexually and I had never had thoughts of her in that way. She was like a younger sister to me. I think she knew I had no such thoughts about her, but the Navy tried to turn our friendship into something ugly based on one little line she had written. There were other things, serious things I could go into but I do not want to take away from what this post and show are all about.

Becky left me a note. She said she would always be with me. She is! She sits on my shoulder like a guardian angel....and when I fuck up she thumps me in the side of my head. She wouldn't let me follow her. Believe me, I tried. When reality set in after the denial and the 'in shock 'clouds faded away. I was numb......I joined the Tide Water Suicide Prevention Hot Line. I visited teens in the local hospitals. I was looking for answers and a way to ease my guilt.

The Wikedia definition for suicide is; the act of killing yourself; "it is a crime to commit suicide". Is it a crime? We are unprepared and warped in how we deal with another's suffering. We do everything to keep it at arm's length.

Suicide is a major, preventable public health problem. In 2004, it was the eleventh leading cause of death in the U.S., accounting for 32,439 deaths. The overall rate was 10.9 suicide deaths per 100,000 people. An estimated eight to 25 attempted suicides occur per every suicide death.

If you are worried about a friend…

Ask directly if he or she is considering suicide. Ask whether he or she has made a specific plan and has done anything to carry it out. Listen openly to your friend, tell your friend that you care deeply, and that no matter how overwhelming his or her problems seem, help is available.

Then, help your friend to find someone trained to help or someone they may trust. Numbers for suicide hotlines and crisis centers should be available in your local phone book or call 1-800-784-2433 the suicide hotline.

If your friend has a detailed plan or appears acutely suicidal and will not talk, he or she could be in immediate danger and it is important to get help right away. Do not leave your friend alone, and seek help immediately, taking your friend to a hospital emergency room if necessary.

Even if it will anger your friend, talk with an adult you trust about your friend's situation so that you aren't carrying the burden by yourself. Do not try to "rescue" your friend or be a hero and try to handle the situation on your own. You can be the most help by referring your friend to someone with the professional skills to provide the help that he or she needs, while you continue to offer support. DO NOT ASSUME YOUR FRIEND IS JUST JOKING!

If you are thinking about suicide…
You may be feeling tired, alone, depressed, scared, angry, hopeless, or unloved, and it may seem that things will never get better. However, no matter how overwhelming your problems seem, stop and think for a moment.....think about your family, friends. They will miss you, and suicide leaves a scar of pain that always hurts. Tomorrow is another day, a day where things may make a little more sense than they do right now. Go find someone you trust and talk to them.

17 years gone....not one moment forgotten!

Becky Sue I miss you.
You are in my thoughts and my heart.

Cowabunga dude!!